


Beyond the Yellow Brick Road

by pommedeplume



Series: Marauders Tales [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Community: rs_games, Drama, First War with Voldemort, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Getting Back Together, Lie Low At Lupin's, M/M, Marauders, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Romance, Second War with Voldemort, Smut, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-26 15:02:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12560028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pommedeplume/pseuds/pommedeplume
Summary: (July 1995)“I feel like a house pet, Moony,” Sirius growled as he sat on the sofa, looking indignant.“Relax, Padfoot. You know what would happen if you were caught,” Remus said, sitting in the large chair across from Sirius that was next to his bookshelf.Sirius grimaced.“That doesn’t help. I want to do something,” Sirius said.Remus sighed. He felt bad for Sirius but he wasn’t sure what he could really do for him. Dumbledore had told Sirius to lie low here and they both knew it was for his own good.“Don’t worry. I’m here for the time being. Things are in motion. I can rest for a couple of days until Dumbledore tells me my next move,” Remus said.Sirius nodded, seeming relieved about that at least. Remus glanced over at his bookcase, his eyes darting over his old records and he smiled as a thought crossed his mind.“Would you care for some music and some tea, Padfoot?” Remus asked.“Sure. That would be nice,” Sirius nodded.





	Beyond the Yellow Brick Road

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta h_d!

“Don’t worry. I’m here for the time being. Things are in motion. I can rest for a couple of days until Dumbledore tells me my next move,” Remus said.

“I feel like a house pet, Moony,” Sirius growled as he sat on the sofa, looking indignant.

“Relax, Padfoot. You know what would happen if you were caught,” Remus said, sitting in the large chair across from Sirius that was next to his bookshelf.

Sirius grimaced. 

“That doesn’t help. I want to _do_ something,” Sirius said.

Remus sighed. He felt bad for Sirius but he wasn’t sure what he could really do for him. Dumbledore had told Sirius to lie low here and they both knew it was for his own good.

Sirius nodded, seeming relieved about that at least. Remus glanced over at his bookcase, his eyes darting over his old records and he smiled as a thought crossed his mind.

“Would you care for some music and some tea, Padfoot?” Remus asked.

“Sure. That would be nice,” Sirius nodded.

Remus dropped to his knees in front of the old records, scrolling through them. Each record held memories long gone. Led Zeppelin IV from the summer after their first year at Hogwarts, introducing the other boys to Muggle rock. Dark Side of the Moon when they were fourteen and sharing a joint that Remus had stolen from his neighbour with a little bit of prompting from James Potter.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack was the only thing Sirius had wanted to listen to the summer they were sixteen. Sirius had even begged them all to go to a midnight showing of the film. It was funny but Remus had never seen the Marauders all so comfortable around Muggles as they had been that night. 

And then he and Sirius came home and Remus played the record to drown out the sounds of their love-making. No… it had barely been making love. It was experimentation. They’d both lied and said they were straight. Even then they were pretending not to be in love. Pretending they were just curious and randy. In the morning they didn’t talk about it. It would be a few years before they would acknowledge that night again.

The summer of ’77 was Hotel California and a lot more marijuana, now that Remus had found a dealer. It was a summer luxury. You couldn’t get things like marijuana or cigarettes at Hogwarts. Remus smoked his first cigarette that summer. He didn’t see the big deal. He still could remember Sirius tossing the thing aside from disgust. _What is wrong with Muggles_? No, they didn’t smoke cigarettes but they made up for it in marijuana and alcohol. It was the best and worst summer they ever had.

One week in July of ’77, Remus’s mother, father and sister were on holiday in Cornwall. The four of them and Lily had the run of the house for a week. Remus remembered lying in bed with Sirius at his feet; Peter was on the floor and James and Lily were shagging in the living room, on the same sofa Sirius was now seated on.

The summer after finishing Hogwarts… well, that was a different time. James and Lily were engaged. Remus had a girlfriend and Sirius was drifting into the night to find something missing in his life, something that would later prove to be Remus himself. The war was building faster than any of them could keep up. Memories of records from that time were fleeting and confused. Everything from that time until Halloween 1981 was a dark blur. Everything after wasn’t much better.

Remus had reached the back of the box and noticed something had fallen behind it, stuck between the bookcase and the wall behind it.

“Hmm,” Remus grunted as he pulled the object out.

Remus gazed upon the record with surprise. He’d forgot he had this one. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Elton John.

“Do you remember this, Padfoot?” Remus said, showing Sirius the record.

Sirius shook his head.

“I found it hard keeping all those Muggle artists separate in my mind. I did like Queen. I remember them. Are they still around?” Sirius said.

“No. The singer, Freddie Mercury, passed away,” Remus said.

Sirius had missed the AIDS crisis while he was in Azkaban, not that he would’ve noticed it in the same way Remus had. A lot of Remus’s best friends during the 1980s had died of AIDS, all of them Muggles who never even knew what he really was, never knowing that he was suffering with his own illness that would someday take his life. After a while, Remus retreated, becoming reclusive and afraid of watching more people die. He was ready to wither and die before Dumbledore asked him to return to Hogwarts. Dumbledore had given him another chance and for that Remus would be forever grateful.

“What about him? Elton John?” Sirius said.

“He’s alive. I read in the papers years ago that he had come out. He’s gay,” Remus said.

Sirius smiled, taking the record. As Sirius held the record in his hands, flipping it over to look at the album art, the title track began to echo softly in Remus’s mind, the embers of a lost memory drifting through his mind. Sirius _had_ heard this record before. He probably had just forgotten.

“Let me see that,” Remus said, taking the record back from Sirius.

“What does the title mean?” Sirius said.

“It’s a reference to The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy and her companions follow the yellow brick road to find the Wizard of Oz,” Remus said, pulling the first of the album’s two records out of its sleeve and taking it over to the record player across the room.

“Muggles don’t understand wizards. I remember you reading Lord of the Rings. I remember that one, Moony,” Sirius said proudly.

“Whose fault is it that Muggles don’t understand us? How are they to know anything about us? It’s against our very laws to expose anything about ourselves to them. Though I’ve read enough Muggle fiction to tell you that there are shreds of correct information out there,” Remus said, placing the record on the turntable.

“That’s fair, I suppose. But we can’t very well expose ourselves. They’d exploit us! They’d want cures and fixes to their every problem!” Sirius complained.

Remus turned around sharply to face Sirius.

“Sirius, I would rather think it is them that would be afraid of what we’d do to them than us that would be afraid of them. You know as well as I do that Muggles have reason to fear wizards, especially now that _he’s_ back. And would it really be so wrong to help them? We are all human. I watched people _dying_ in the eighties all around me! Did you know I got myself checked out? I had been safe but… not always so safe. I had been with someone… who died. I couldn’t go to a Muggle doctor. There might be questions that I couldn’t answer. So I went to one of our healers. Do you know what they told me?”

Sirius shook his head, even though it was a rhetorical question.

“They told me that they only were aware of one wizard in all of the British Isles who had contracted HIV and they had _cured_ him!” Remus snarled.

“That… can’t be. Surely we wouldn’t withhold something like that,” Sirius suggested, his pale face haunted.

“It wouldn’t be the first time, now would it? I had distant relatives who died in the Spanish Flu pandemic, not even eighty years ago. Sure, some of our people died but we still found a way to stop it. We didn’t have to wait for it play out like the poor Muggles. But, no. I did ask the healer if whatever we had used to help that wizard would work on Muggles. She didn’t think so. I pressed her harder, saying that surely there was something we could do. She seemed troubled, almost like she might cry. And I realised what a terrible thing it was. What a terrible thing to know people are dying and it’s your sworn duty to help people but a stupid bloody law forces you to stand back. I was angry with her for a moment but then I felt bad for her. She had it worse than anyone, you see.”

Sirius’s head was in his hands, his dark hair falling down. He was crying. Sirius always covered his face when he cried. Remus sighed, wondering if he had let emotions run too high. He was supposed to be cheering Sirius up right now.

“I’m sorry, Padfoot. I got carried away,” Remus said and turned around to turn on the record.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Sirius replied as the record’s opening track began.

Nostalgia swept over Remus as he went to sit back down in his chair.

“I probably haven’t heard this record since before…” Remus trailed off, knowing the end of that sentence would bring pain.

“I don’t recall it,” Sirius said.

“Oh, I promised you tea,” Remus said, popping back up and going off to his kitchen while the opening tracks played in the background.

By the time the tea was done the record had reached the third song, Bennie and the Jets.

“Cheers,” Sirius said as Remus handed him his cup.

Remus sat down, setting his tea down on the small table next to the chair.

“This is a little familiar. It’s only a ghost of a memory, though,” Sirius said.

With side one of the first record finished, Remus flipped the record over. It was the next track that Remus suspected might jar Sirius’s memory.

 

_When are you gonna come down_

_When are you going to land_

_I should have stayed on the farm_

_I should have listened to my old man_

_You know you can't hold me forever_

_I didn't sign up with you_

_I'm not a present for your friends to open_

_This boy's too young to be singing the blues_

 

“I remember this! I remember this, Moony!” Sirius said, nearly spilling his tea with excitement.

“I thought you might,” Remus said, taking a sip of his tea.

 

_So goodbye yellow brick road_

_Where the dogs of society howl_

_You can't plant me in your penthouse_

_I'm going back to my plough_

_Back to the howling old owl in the woods_

_Hunting the horny back toad_

_Oh I've finally decided my future lies_

_Beyond the yellow brick road_

 

“Where the dogs of society howl. I remember that line,” Sirius said, a dawning realisation hitting his face.

“You remember, don’t you?” Remus said with a proud smile.

“Yes. I think I do,” Sirius grinned.

It had been back when things between them were new, before the war got so dark. Back when the people who were dying weren’t their friends. Back when one of their friends wasn’t a secret spy. Back before all the bitterness and suspicion set in. Back when they were in love and so alive.

* * *

 

**February 1979**

 

“Did you see me? I could’ve torn his bloody face off!” Sirius declared proudly, spinning his wand in the air.

“You’re lucky you got out of there before the Aurors showed up, Padfoot,” James said with an amused grin on his face, Lily with her head in his lap, smiling up at him.

“What are they going to do? Send me to Azkaban? In the middle of the war?” Sirius waved dismissively.

Sirius _had_ been impressive, Remus thought. The Death Eater had screamed when the large, black dog had leapt on him, from the dark of the trees. For just a moment Remus had thought Sirius really was going to tear into him, but he had restrained himself, allowing James and Lily to quickly disarm and disable the Death Eater while Remus and Peter looked out for any danger.

More Death Eaters quickly arrived and the other order members and the Aurors arrived just in time. Unfortunately, all escaped except for the one Sirius had tackled who was promptly taken away to be put on trial. In all the madness of stuns and curses being slung around, Sirius had run off into the trees. Alastor Moody seemed to have his eyes on Sirius for a moment after he returned, as if he had a suspicion of something but wasn’t sure what.

Perhaps because they were in the middle of a war, they would overlook three unregistered animagi but it was a complication they didn’t really need. Perhaps it would cast suspicion on them and by proxy suspicion on Remus as well, given his personal status.

“Just be careful, Padfoot. We could’ve stopped him without you taking that risk,” Remus said.

Sirius shrugged.

“I’m with Sirius on this one,” Peter declared.

Remus quietly snickered.

“Doesn’t it feel good to see the fear in their eyes? They _should_ be afraid of us,” Peter insisted.

“I don’t care if they are afraid. They need to be stopped, one way or the other,” Lily said, as James kissed the top of her dark-red head.

“I agree,” Remus said.

“Doesn’t it excite you? The idea that we could scare You-Know-Who?” Peter said.

“I don’t think anything scares him,” Remus said.

“Dumbledore does. Everyone thinks so. Albus Dumbledore is the greatest wizard who has ever lived,” James declared, as if it were an established fact, though many people did believe it as such.

“Oh, I’ll give you no arguments there, mate,” Peter said.

“Besides, I don’t think Voldemort is going to be afraid of a dog, no offence, Padfoot,” James said.

Sirius rolled his eyes and wandered off into the kitchen.

“Do you have to use the name?” Peter asked, looking slightly nauseous.

“We shouldn’t be afraid to use his name. You know what Dumbledore says,” James replied.

“Fear of the name only increases fear of the thing itself,” Peter repeated, sounding as if he had just been scolded by Professor McGonagall.

Remus followed Sirius into the kitchen. Sirius glanced at Remus with a frown.

“Have you come to scold me some more?” Sirius asked.

“No. You did well. I just don’t want you, Prongs and Wormtail getting yourselves in trouble,” Remus said.

“You don’t understand. I’m not afraid. Merlin even knows if we’ll survive this war. I’ll do whatever it takes to stop Voldemort, even if it means risking a trip to Azkaban,” Sirius said.

Remus chuckled.

“I don’t really think they’d send you to Azkaban,” Remus said, taking one of Sirius’s hands in his own.

“Probably not,” Sirius said, leaning down and giving Remus a soft kiss.

“Hey, lads,” Peter said as they quickly pulled apart.

If Peter had seen anything he didn’t say anything. No one knew about them yet. It wasn’t clear how they would react. Lily knew that Remus was bisexual but he’d made her swear not to tell James. James had made some uncomfortable comments about homosexuals in the past and Remus wasn’t prepared to deal with having one of his best mates think ill of him. Being a werewolf was one thing but being bisexual was entirely another.

“Hey, Pete,” Remus said.

“Guess I’m going to take off. It’s been a long day,” Peter said.

“Isn’t it always?” Sirius said.

“I suppose it is,” Peter said, looking down with a frown.

He walked into the living room and said goodbye to Lily and James before apparating away.

“Good. Now if James and Lily can shove off, I’ve got some ideas,” Sirius said, leaning into Remus’s neck, giving it a soft suck that made Remus gasp.

Sirius’s mouth had a way of sending signals throughout Remus’s entire body, making all of him wake up and take notice. Remus turned his head and pressed his lips into Sirius’s, losing self-control for a sweet moment.

“If James and Lily weren’t here I would take you against the counter, _right now_ ,” Remus growled through gritted teeth.

“Well, then let’s get rid of them,” Sirius said.

Sirius pranced to the doorway of the kitchen, Remus standing behind him. James and Lily seemed to have similar ideas as of the two of them as they were currently vigorously snogging and groping on Remus’s sofa.

“Bloody hell,” Sirius whispered.

Remus coughed, startling their friends out of their moment. Both of them laughed.

“Guess we’re getting carried away,” Lily said, rolling off of James.

“Oh, we haven’t even got started,” James said, patting her bum with a grin.

Lily smirked and shook her head, surprisingly heading over to Remus’s record collection.

“I feel like we could use some music,” Lily said.

Remus and Sirius glanced at each other with frustration.

“Right now?” Remus asked.

“Why not? Don’t you feel like celebrating? Not every day in this war goes so well as today,” Lily said.

Remus sighed, realizing she had a point.

“Yeah. Let’s have some drinks, shall we?” James said, standing up and heading over.

“I’m all out of firewhiskey, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Remus informed him.

“Oh, don’t tell me all you have is Muggle shite?” James said, grimacing as he looked inside Remus’s refrigerator.

“I’ve got some cans of Black Label lager,” Remus said.

“ _Lager_?” James said, making a face.

“This isn’t the Leaky Cauldron, Prongs,” Remus said.

James sighed and pulled out a couple of cans and left the kitchen. Remus shrugged and pulled out some for himself and Sirius. Remus wasn’t even sure why he had any alcohol. It always seemed to take a lot to get him drunk, probably because of his condition. He supposed he kept them for Sirius, he seemed to like the lager, despite James’s opposition.

“Here, Lils,” James said, handing her a can.

“Cheers,” she said then looked back to Remus and held a record in her hands at him.

“Elton John,” Remus noted.

“Who’s that?” James called out.

“I didn’t know you liked Elton John, Remus,” Lily grinned.

Remus awkwardly chuckled.

“I like lots of things. I like ABBA, is Elton John any more strange?” Remus said.

“I suppose not,” Lily said, and pulled out one of the records from its sleeve, placing it on the turntable.

The first side of the record played and Lily and James sat snuggling on the sofa, drinking beer and exchanging snogs while Remus and Sirius stood near each other, exchanging no more than glances. When side one ended Remus flipped it over. The title track of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road played.

“Oh, I love this song,” Lily said and began to sing along, while James’s mouth planted soft kisses against her throat.

Unexpectedly, Sirius grabbed Remus’s hand. Remus turned to him in panic.

“I don’t care. I don’t want to be afraid,” Sirius whispered.

Remus smiled and touched Sirius’s cheek with affection. He glanced back at their friends. Lily was still singing and smiling in their direction. James’s attention remained on her, seeming almost prepared to shag her in front of them. Remus thought it was a shame they all couldn’t be so free with their sexuality.

Remus smiled at Sirius then pulled him further into the living room, between the sofa and the record player. Sirius’s grey eyes were wide with panic despite his laughter.

“Dance with me, Padfoot,” Remus whispered.

Sirius, easily being the taller one, moved to lead, putting his hands in place as they lightly swayed to the melody.

James burst out laughing.

“Do you see these two, Lils. Messing around like a couple of poofs,” James said, then pressed his lips into Lily’s pale neck.

Lily frowned in response.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Remus asked, moving his face closer to Sirius’s.

“I hope so, or this could be embarrassing,” Sirius said, leaning in close.

James turned to them just in time for their lips to come together in a slow, deep kiss.

“Blimey,” James said.

Remus and Sirius didn’t stop the kiss. They needed it to be clear they weren’t having a laugh. The song had ended and Remus heard Lily moan with disappointment and opened his eyes to see her rushing back to make the record player play the song again.

Remus and Sirius pulled away and turned towards James who was frozen on the sofa, his mouth hanging open as Lily began to sing along with the song again.

“Kneazle got your tongue, Prongs?” Sirius asked.

“What the _hell_ was that?” James asked, grabbing his can of lager from the floor, looking at it with confusion, perhaps wondering if the drink had been stronger than he realised.

“I’d wager it was two of your best mates sharing a snog, just like this,” Lily said, pressing her lips to his bottom lip while his mouth remained open.

“Yes, but why?” James said.

“For the same reasons we do it,” Lily said, sitting next to him.

“Really?” James asked, looking around the room as if he thought everyone had gone mad.

“Yes, really,” Remus said and kissed Sirius again.

James gasped.

“Isn’t it beautiful, James?” Lily said, kissing him on the cheek.

“No! I mean… yes. But no!” James said, sounding genuinely conflicted as Lily sang along with the song softly in his ear.

Remus and Sirius stood firmly in front of him, gripping each other’s hand tightly.

“This is real, James. It’s not a joke,” Sirius said, holding his chin up.

“But… how?” James asked.

“James… I’ve been in love with Remus since second year,” Sirius said truthfully.

Remus turned to Sirius stunned. In love? They’d never said that before.

“In love… with me?” Remus said.

“Of course,” Sirius said, smiling at Remus.

“I’m in love with you too,” Remus said and kissed Sirius.

“So you’re both gay?” James asked.

“I’m bisexual,” Remus said with a serious look at James.

“Bisexual? Can you do that? That doesn’t seem fair!” James complained.

“I’m bisexual. You know that. What’s the difference?” Lily said, getting up from the sofa to once again make the record play the song.

“You’re my fiancée!” James declared.

Lily froze in her tracks on the way back to the sofa, her green eyes wide with surprise. It was now Remus and Sirius’s turns to be surprised as they looked at James and Lily.

“You’re engaged?” Sirius asked.

“We were going to tell you,” Lily said with an apologetic frown.

“When?” Sirius demanded.

“Tonight. We figured we’d celebrate but then Peter left and… it didn’t seem right to tell you two without him here,” James said with regret.

“Congratulations,” Remus said and let go of Sirius’s hand to embrace Lily.

“Cheers,” Lily said.

Remus then went over and hugged James, who seemed disappointingly reluctant for a moment. Sirius hugged Lily but didn’t approach James yet.

“So… the two of you… Merlin. You… shag? I mean… really?” James said.

“But how is it any different, James? You were just whispering in my ear earlier how you wanted to shag me on the sofa and didn’t care if any of the lads saw. Now you can’t even fathom to think of them being together? Don’t be daft!” Lily said.

“I’m adjusting, OK! It’s like my entire life I’ve always thought rain came from the sky and now you’re telling me that sometimes it comes up from the ground, shooting straight up to the bloody sky!” James insisted.

“Honestly, Prongs, I don’t give a fig if you find this hard to understand. The only thing I expect from you is to not turn into a bigoted arsehole,” Sirius said firmly.

“I’m not! I don’t care if you’re gay!” James declared.

“Good, I’m not,” Remus replied with irritation.

“But I am,” Sirius said.

“You’re my best mates! You must admit that if you’ve never had the slightest indication that two of your best mates were shagging and then you suddenly found out, you’d be a little bit surprised,” James said.

“Sure. For a moment. A very _brief_ moment,” Remus replied sharply.

“We do a lot more than shag, you know. It’s not just a sex thing,” Sirius said.

James sighed and nodded. The song had changed over and Lily seemed to have given up. She looked awkward and finished off her lager, setting the empty can aside.

“I’m sorry,” James said, his head resting in his dark hands.

“Sorry for…” Sirius said, probably hoping to lead him into a more full apology.

“I’m sorry that this feels weird to me. I want to just be accepting. I promise I’ll try harder,” James said.

“Apology accepted,” Sirius said with a smile.

James stood up and walked over to them, pulling both Remus and Sirius into his arms.

“I love you both,” James said.

Remus smiled at Lily on the sofa who smiled back, looking pleased with this turnout. She got back up and put the record on the song once more, making Remus chuckle.

* * *

 

“And then we had more lagers. James and Lily snogged all night until they passed out,” Remus said.

“I really thought they were going to shag in front of us,” Sirius said, chuckling.

“Not that night. But there were other nights, if you recall,” Remus said.

“Oh, yes. There were some _magnificent_ nights,” Sirius said, his face looking nostalgic.

Sirius was smiling. This was progress.

“That night wasn’t so bad, though, if I recall,” Remus said.

“Definitely not. Merlin, something about coming out to James just made me want you so much more. Hmmm, yes. That was a good night indeed,” Sirius said, a fiendish look on his face.

Remus missed those days. He not only missed James and Lily… but he missed himself and Sirius too. They’d had such a brief window together that wasn’t marred by complication, suspicion and pain. In truth, they’d had very little time together since his escape from Azkaban.

The truth was… Remus wasn’t sure if there was a _them_ anymore. He didn’t doubt his own feelings. One look at Sirius was all it took. And to a certain degree he didn’t doubt Sirius’s feelings. But was it possible to even cross those dark waters to find each other again? Remus perversely pictured them traveling down the yellow brick road, like Dorothy in the story, but instead of trying to get back to Kansas, they only wanted to find each other.

“Padfoot… do you suppose there’s a future for us?” Remus asked.

Sirius’s face went grim.

“It would be nice. I’ll admit that all my thoughts drift to Harry. I… just want him to be OK. I want him to have the good life that he deserves. If I can have that… well, anything else would be a bonus,” Sirius said.

Remus couldn’t argue with that. The future of James and Lily’s son weighed heavily in his mind as did the second war that was brewing in their world.

“That’s understandable. I feel much the same way,” Remus commented.

“I’m still in love with you, Moony. If that’s what you’re wondering,” Sirius said.

Remus gulped and said, “I love you too.”

Remus was surprised to find that his heart was pounding. He had almost forgot it was there. He wanted to leap across the room and fall into Sirius’s arms. He wasn’t sure what was stopping him.

He remembered Sirius’s words to him that night so long ago. _I don’t want to be afraid_. Remus didn’t want to be afraid. He didn’t mean to be. But at that moment he was afraid. He had been hurt so much before. He knew it wasn’t Sirius’s fault but he had lived with a reality where he was forced to believe that his lover had betrayed their friends. Part of him had never truly believed it, but that didn’t stop the pain. 

Remus had long ago declared that he would never fall victim to love again. But here he was, setting his tea cup aside and falling to his knees, crawling across the floor as if compelled by a spell, but knowing love was the only spell he was under, more powerful than any other.

“Remus?” Sirius said as Remus arrived in front of him and leaned up into his mouth.

It was like they had never skipped a beat. As Elton John carried on in the background, their lips moved together in soft harmony. Remus felt wetness on his cheeks, unsure if the tears were from himself or Sirius… or both of them.

When they pulled away, Remus pressed his forehead to Sirius’s as they both sobbed. Remus couldn’t even speak. It was like everything was pouring out all at once, all of the pain he had been holding in for the last thirteen and a half years. Remus took a breath and hungrily kissed Sirius again, refusing to let go of this moment.

Remus pulled himself up and Sirius fell back against the sofa, lying back as Remus slid on top of him. Remus slipped and fell to the floor with a thud. They laughed and Sirius slid off to climb on top of him, moving between Remus’s legs and finding his mouth again quickly.

It was like they were boys again, thrumming with love, lust and a desire to feel alive. Neither of their bodies was as strong or full of the vigor that they’d once had as young men. They were both thin and looked underfed. Remus hardly ever looked in the mirror anymore lest he become frightened by his own ill visage. He looked like the people he’d known in the 1980s before they died, only his illness was taking a lot longer to kill him.

But for now, Remus wasn’t dead and the parts of him that mattered in this moment felt so very alive as blood pumped through his body, warming and arousing parts of him so often neglected.

“All these years I’ve never stopped wanting you. I tried to convince myself that I was over you, that I was capable of loving you without wanting you. That was a lie,” Remus said, his voice quavering with raw emotion.

“You’ve always been a part of me. We’ve lost so much. How can we deny ourselves the only thing we have?” Sirius said.

Remus leaned up into his mouth, which was salty with tears. He touched his hands to Sirius’s sides, feeling the thinness of his shape through his robes. He wanted to beg Sirius to care for himself but Remus knew that he didn’t care very well for himself either.

“I don’t know. Let’s not deny ourselves so we don’t have to find out,” Remus said.

The record had stopped at some point and Remus was only now realising it. It wasn’t what was on his mind right now. The only thing he could see or hear was the beautiful dark-haired man above him, smiling down at him with those thin lips that had always held such mischief.

“To the bedroom?” Sirius suggested.

“Yes. I believe so,” Remus said.

They pulled themselves off the floor. Remus wasn’t old by any means, he wasn’t even middle-aged by Muggle standards, let alone wizard standards. But he still felt like an old man when he pulled himself up from the floor, no matter the hormones that were flooding his system.

Remus followed Sirius into his bedroom. Remus started to undress but Sirius was all over him in a flurry of kisses and gropes.

“Slow down, Padfoot. You’ll have me coming before I can get my robes off,” Remus chuckled.

Sirius looked embarrassed.

“Sorry, Moony. I never have been able to control myself with you,” he admitted.

Remus stood back and removed his robes whilst Sirius did the same. Sirius looked thinner than Remus realised, though no less beautiful in Remus’s eyes. Remus wasn’t surprised when Sirius stopped to gaze at Remus’s scars. He’d gained many new ones since they’d last seen each other naked so long ago.

Remus held his robes around his waist, refusing to be ashamed of the scars he hadn’t been able to help but wanting to give Sirius a moment to adjust to them. He finally let the robes fall, fully exposing himself.

Sirius grinned. “I see one part of you that hasn’t changed,” he said, the aim of his gaze obviously aimed low.

Sirius strode back over, placing his hands on Remus’s sides and rubbing them up and down his body, curving around to his back and squeezing his arse as he pushed their mouths together. Their bodies pressed together, Sirius felt impossibly hot as if his entire body was aroused. Remus grunted in pleasure as his erection ground against Sirius, sliding over Sirius’s cock and the bottom of his belly.

Remus clutched Sirius’s arse, trying to pull him closer even though there was no space left between them at all.

“Bed. Now,” Remus urged and Sirius walked backwards as they tried to stay close together.

They fell back onto the bed, Remus on top of Sirius, pressing their cocks together, sharing the heat and urgency of the moment. Remus smiled down at Sirius’s grey eyes that were shining and full of love.

“I must confess I’m not sure I remember how to do all this. It’s been a long time, you see,” Sirius said.

“It’s like riding a broom,” Remus said.

Sirius reached between them, wrapping his thin-fingered hand around the top half of Remus’s cock and said, “Or a broom handle.”

Remus laughed and shook his head then leaned down to kiss Sirius, rocking his pelvis to let their cocks slide together.

“Don’t suppose you have any lubricating potion?” Sirius asked.

“It hasn’t been a priority. We can make do,” Remus said.

“Hope you’re not planning to stick that up my arse without lube,” Sirius said.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Remus said, kissing Sirius again.

The truth was Remus wasn’t thinking at all about what he did or didn’t intend to do. He felt like he was nineteen again, just searching for friction and affection.

“Sounds like a hard request to follow,” Sirius said, nibbling on Remus’s ear, making him giggle.

“Well, here’s another hard request: I want to suck your beautiful cock,” Remus said.

“Ooo. Well, don’t let me stop you,” Sirius said.

Remus drifted down Sirius’s thin torso, until he arrived at his cock, taking it in his hand. It always fit so neatly into his grip and was just short enough that he could push his mouth all the way down its length. Remus lowered his mouth, wrapping his lips around the head and pushing all the way down before pulling back up.

“Unh,” Sirius grunted in apparent pleasure.

Remus looked up at Sirius as he slowly sucked his cock. Sirius’s mouth hung open, his eyes drifting from Remus to the ceiling as he rotated his head in ecstasy. Remus increased his speed.

“Fuck. Ugh. I think you were right… about the broom,” Sirius moaned.

If Remus knew Sirius as well as he did, he probably hadn’t had a wank in days. He could taste Sirius’s salty arousal on his tongue and knew his climax wasn’t far off.

“Moony, shit I’m going to-“

Remus pulled his mouth off and gripped Sirius’s cock hard around the base as it twitched in his hand.

“Tsk, tsk, Padfoot. Can’t you control yourself?” Remus asked with a wink.

“Merlin’s arse, Moony. You haven’t changed,” Sirius said.

Remus put his mouth back on Sirius’s cock, letting his mouth slowly slide up and down over the head, loving the sound of Sirius tense and on the edge, squealing at every turn.

“What’s the matter, Padfoot? Don’t you like it when I tease you?” Remus asked playfully.

“I haven’t told you to stop now, have I?” Sirius said, through heavy breaths.

Remus chuckled and got back to his task. He knew no matter what if he kept dragging his lips over the head, Sirius would eventually explode. The key was to stop now and then so that he’d always need to ramp up again. He pulled on Sirius’s bollocks just to make it a little more difficult.

He felt Sirius tense up and he pulled off again, watching as Sirius’s cock twitched, a tiny drop of his come spurting out, dripping down the shaft.

“Shit. That was close,” Sirius said.

Remus pushed his mouth down Sirius’s cock again, wondering just how far he could push Sirius. He wouldn’t want to ruin the moment. He waited for Sirius to tense up again before pulling off and deciding to alter their course.

“Do you want to come?” Remus asked.

“Yes… no! I want… whatever you want,” Sirius said.

Remus licked his lips and fell back down on top of Sirius, kissing him once again. He leaned into his ear and said, “The only thing I want right now is you.”

“Then you have me,” Sirius replied.

Remus leaned up and knelt between Sirius’s legs. He gripped his own cock around the base, bending it down to Sirius’s cock to rub the head against it. He moaned in unison with Sirius as he rubbed the heads of their cocks together. He then bit his bottom lip as he slapped his cock against Sirius’s cock.

“Ugh,” Sirius called out as Remus continued to slap it.

Remus stroked his cock and remembered how it used to be. He remembered how Sirius would beg him to order him to suck his cock. He remembered how he liked it when Remus tied him up, surrendering all control. Sirius’s gaze was focused on Remus’s cock, licking his lips perhaps unconsciously.

“Do you want to suck my cock, Padfoot?” Remus suggested.

“Oh, yes!” Sirius declared.

Sirius changed positions quicker than Remus expected as Remus sat down on the bed. Sirius moved between Remus’s legs, instantly taking Remus’s shaft in his hands. Sirius slid the palm of one hand down the shaft, while the other lightly stroked the head. He gently gripped Remus’s bollocks, as if testing the weight of them.

Placing both hands on the shaft, Sirius put his mouth on the head of Remus’s cock and began to slowly suck.

“Bloody hell,” Remus grunted, the feeling of Sirius’s mouth on his cock even better than he remembered.

Sirius took his time, maintaining a steady and slow pace. He sucked with love, probably intending to slowly drag him to the very edge as repayment for his own torture. Remus reached down and stroked Sirius’s hair. There was so much grey in their hair now. He didn’t suppose that was normal for men in their mid-thirties. He didn’t suppose they _were_ normal, though. He wouldn’t wish the lives they’d had on anyone.

Minutes passed before Sirius finally increased his speed. Remus’s bollocks were badly aching and he knew with a simple thought he could make himself come. Remus thought he was probably an expert at orgasm control and could even work himself into a hands-free orgasm with enough concentration. But he also knew that Sirius Black was going to try his damnedest to test his control, anyway.

The way Sirius’s hands moved up Remus’s shaft almost seemed to be pulling and encouraging him to come in his mouth. Remus couldn’t deny that he wanted to, just as much as he had wanted to finish Sirius off in his mouth before. Sirius kept looking up at him as if to ask if he was ready yet. Remus was trying to control himself, control his reactions. He knew himself, knew his own body. Being a lycanthrope had always lent itself to learning self-control.

Sirius increased his speed, sucking and stroking hard and fast. Remus clenched his mouth tightly to control his moans but he knew he was wavering. He wanted so badly to come. It would be so easy. He could feel the heat and tension rising. The pressure was building inside and he was finding it difficult to ignore. He closed his eyes and a took a deep breath then slowly exhaled. The head of his cock was unbelievably sensitive now and his bollocks hurt. He needed to come.

“I wanna come, Padfoot. Let me come in your mouth. Please!” Remus begged.

Sirius held the base of Remus’s cock tightly and sucked on the head with lightning speed. Remus felt himself shake as his insides strained and pleasurable heat washed over him. His cock twitched hard, Sirius loosening his grip on the shaft, releasing the pressure as Remus came in his mouth.

“Fuck! Ugh,” Remus moaned, as Sirius continued to suck, making happy sounds.

Sirius sucked until the head became far too sensitive and Remus pulled away. Sirius smiled at him and Remus said, “Lay back. Now.”

Sirius did as requested and Remus nearly dove onto his cock, pushing his mouth down and sucking with full force, not intending to stop until the job was complete.

“Oh fuck. Shit. Fuck. Moony!” Sirius squealed as Remus felt his cock twitch, spilling onto Remus’s tongue.

Once Sirius was starting to go soft, Remus pulled off. He smiled at Sirius then gave him a deep kiss.

“Well, that happened,” Sirius said.

“It did,” Remus replied.

“Now what?” 

Remus sighed.

“In the immediate future, I suggest we get some rest. In the morning, I’ll make us some tea and breakfast then wait for Dumbledore’s orders,” Remus said.

“And in the not so immediate future?”

Remus frowned.

“I don’t know. It’s a difficult time for promises. I wish things were different. If Voldemort were gone for good and Harry was safe…” Remus trailed off.

“We could have a place in the country together. A farm. Just the three of us,” Sirius said.

“We could get a dog,” Remus suggested.

“Am I not dog enough?” Sirius pretended to be offended, touching his fingers to the center of his chest.

Remus chuckled and gave him a kiss.

“I’m not sure what Harry would make of us,” Remus said.

“I think he would approve,” Sirius said.

“Even still… we should… keep this between us,” Remus said.

The disappointment was immediately apparent on Sirius’s face, making Remus feel guilty.

“We don’t know what the future holds. I’m worried that if we got Harry invested… he might get hurt,” Remus said.

“But what about us? What if _we_ get hurt?” Sirius said.

“If there is one thing I am certain of, Padfoot, it is that before this war is over we’re all going to hurt,” Remus said.

Sirius’s grey eyes were filled with tears as he looked away.

“I love you, Padfoot. But you know as well as I do the mess we are in. You know how bad things were before. You know what we’ve lost,” Remus said.

“I know. That doesn’t make it any easier, does it?”

“No. It doesn’t. We can’t save the world for ourselves. But we can save it for _them_. Harry and his friends. They’re the future. They’re what matters, now,” Remus said.

Sirius smiled at him. Remus gave him a kiss. Remus hoped there was a future for them beyond the yellow brick road but he supposed for the time being they were forced to carry on, dreaming there was a farm somewhere at the end of the path.


End file.
